02 February 2017

Curses / Maldition

I must've been tired so I wake before the three alarms set to make sure I do anyway. Sleeping too warm without sweating, I need water, my head is dry from ear to ear, I turn a slow tide into movements into taking a drink of a mixture to drink before a workout next to the bed, my blood warms and get hungry before I can cool, feeling starved I rock myself out of bed and walk to the hall, the main room, the kitchen. I'm staring at the fridge again, the light actually, wondering if I should be lost in fridgelandia with headphones and music to help me choose, not a good idea to have breakfast carbs, too much effort to make bacon so soon before having to wake up, a whey powder mixer would be in order, something filling to take a nap. It hits my stomach like straw in a furnace, two and a half hours is almost like three i convince myself and I close the cold door.

Only a streak of night sky enters the room, it is too late for me to stop it, if I had only been rested I could prevent this. A man is standing next to me in my kitchen, I blink and get attacked before I can open my eyelids in less than a second, the fear is enough to make me faint tears into every part of me.

I wake in my own blood, it's everywhere, and I'm late for work. I put down anything red over it, wiping counters, hoping to call it laundry day if anyone were to notice. I put on my 'I'm late' sports clothes and run to the subway. Seven long stops away and the entire trip I can't stop looking at other passengers by the reflection of the windows. Flipping thru the songs on my phonecard I realize that my headphones are broken so i throw them away, distracted with another reflection I miss my trainstop, so i run to the street to angrily spend good money on a cab. Distracted again my phone vibrates but there's no ringtone, I must've turned it down checking the headphones...nope, audio broken, I'll have to get a new phone, it's my friend at work calling.

I've been scratching at the glass and the cab driver is hollering at me for the fare, he pounds on the plastic wall and I pay him with my hard earned cash, I should spend it on something else, "i grew up in a town with a butcher" I tell the fat cabbie as I stop to notice the plethora of buttons and stickers in the middle eastern versions of classic redneck slogans. I bounce out of the seat, no tip, it's, my, money.

Suddenly I'm in board meeting on the top floor, standing around one of the longest tables I've ever seen, holding a clipboard ready to take notes, I look at my paper while most are trying not to look out the windows, I see the city, I see the first letters of each word followed by a drunken drifting cursive, and when my friend notices he gives one of those faces and I hold it to my chest. The CEO is giving a tirade about the tirade of another CEO at another company and on a good day I strive not to throw him thru the glass, I'm not really understanding the synergy message and nothing can stop me from scratching at the back of the clipboard.

I'm leaving the meeting and I don't know how things ended, there's my friend, he's smiling and agreeing with me somehow, my automated response must be appropriate, I'm getting pieces of a joke about bipartisan politics, I know how this one will go, I'll take the bait, I take the bait and nod, I begin saying the first word that comes to mind and in the first sound he's praising me, I feel like a dog that only gets his own 'name' and things like "bacon" or "outside" as he speedreads his own dialogue.

We waited for the small C-Suite elevator and now we're heading down ten floors to the plebeian interchange, before lowering to the role-playing fantasy that are the misty peon levels, where we'll swipe a card for great company coffee, one of the perks, it doesn't taste great and I don't know why, but my friend shares empathy with my facial expression, I wish someone would tell me why there are so few people, those people cluttered by the elevator door have the right idea.

We queue for the lower levels drop, my friend punches me in the should asking questions, harmless question that help him learn more about me, I answer and realize my hearing is out, water on the ear after a cold morning perhaps, damn, my headphones weren't broken, the elevator fills and fills too much, my friend and I have to wait for the next one. We wait, we enter, the doors close, I tear into my friend and in a struggle the guy I know works in the mail room, what was he thinking being here, this is my elevator, good old what's his name, there is blood everywhere. I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor of the elevator eating brains, I press the emergency stop button and a red light takes over the white halogen. The elevator music is back, one of those popular annoying songs that everyone sings when coworkers go out, recreated with a piano and sounds of bells, not as bad as them singing, my friend is delicious, I bet that guy is delicious.

It's time to stand up and brush myself off with gutsy hands that make more of a mess, I'm very calm, this is never happened before, never this calm and never an elevator bloodbath, i think i'm almost smiling, I've to abandon my entire life and run from the law because of that camera in the corner of the elevator, but i'm smiling, this is nice, i wonder how many cameras are in a building on average. I pry open the door, i'm kinda stronger now, i'm already hungry now, i know this feeling now so much i cannot forget it ever again, i peek around the doorwell, i lick my fingers then make a dash into the empty area, i steal a coat to cover myself and leap back out of the small office.

I can't remember the night before, i feel terrible not knowing, i'm in another cab tapping my fingers on the seat, bouncing my heel on the floor, at my building i'm so ready to leap from the window of the cab, no tip, it's his money, but i need the cash now more than he does, into my apartment, the mess is still there, this is damning evidence that adds to the cameras, i mail my important things in carboard to a PO box, i'm prepared for this sadly from online paranoia, wow i was really paranoid, i grab my three, count them three, split kits, my tech, i'm not even scarred, not knowing what happened is giving me more fear than anyone, i hear footsteps in the hall, i prepare for intruders, with none I leave, this life is over and i'm good with this, this is absurd, i just start walking to the worst part of the city that i can remember, i'm already starving again