05 November 2015

McBain: Carchase

The natural foods store, gym, and steak buffet called 'Smash grab Grab'
(McBain lifting weights.)
McBain: I am heavy from lifting these impossible weights.
(Drops weights; sexy gym instructor approaches)
Mesera: Here, try our new protein and amino booster beer bread, McBain.
(Tries the bread)
McBain: It is delicious, like a very delicious beer bread by Liftko.
(a lifter, smaller than McBain)
Lifter: McBain, how did you defeat the robots in the cyber football charity challenge?
McBain: For the charity to build parks for orphans who lift weights, I defeat the robots, because I verificate them.
(A woman leans over the smoothie bar, buxom, demure in gym clothes, from across the room, shouts)
Barista: McBain, you’ve got an important call from the mayor!
McBain: Thank you, send it to the chat screen.
(The waitress slides the picture of the mayor from her tablet and the gym mirror wall becomes a video conference)
Mayor: McBain! There’s a car chase on the ONE-THOUSAND-ONE highway, you have to help me!
McBain: Of course, Mayor Nickelback – but I do it for the city. Team, assemble!
Mayor Nick Le Bach: Thank you, McBain, you’re all we have.
(The dumbbell rack at the mirror slides and gun racks rise out of the floor)
Mesera: What are you going to do, McBain?
McBain: I am to be making them sufferate, let’s roll out.
(McBain gets into the fastest street-legal car allowed. she hops into the passenger seat)
McBain: You are pretty in your boots, are you ready to kick ass?
(The tires spin, the car leaps)
Mesera: Let’s serve the piece, McBain!
(She checks her guns.)
(Joyriding terrorists, three cars, tossing grenades)
McBain: Attention terrorist customers, time to make your final death purchase.
(He punches his own window once, the whole windshield flies out and decapitates a terrorist)
Mesera: You watch the road and the grenades, McBain, I’ll shoot the terrorists.
(A blast comes close; she leans back and aims a sniper rifle, her shoulders press together, she shoots one dead; a grenade hurls toward his car, he shoots it with his pistol, also wounding one of them)
McBain: Terrorists are so garbage, we have to clear the road – because it’s trash day.
(He fires all his bullets at them determinedly, killing four; a rocket launcher peaks out of a roof)
McBain: Shoot at the top!
Mesera: Okay.
(She fires as many shots as possible, but does not hit the swerving target; the rocket fires toward them)
Mesera: McBain!
(He swerves his car; the blast launches him at the closest car; with the gatlin gun that was strapped to his back, he flies thru the air delivering a hail of bullets with him; he latches onto the back at the bullet holes, he reaches his ear-radio)
McBain: Are you okay?
(She stands and exits the fire; her shirt is torn and burned away; hair now with streaks of ash and soot)
Mesera: I’m fine, just be careful, they seem like they’re ready for the end of the world, McBain.
McBain: Don’t worry, Armageddon outta here with a-pack-a-lips, because terrorists can kiss my ass!
(only the two in the front seat; he punches the driver and takes his gun, shoots the rocket guy making the missile just barely miss, the rocket hits a man robbing an old lady, lady lives(parking meter crax open))
McBain: Public outreach program.
(they shoot at him, they hit the passenger, one car done; he climbs into the cab and drifts toward the second car, accelerating with the dead driver’s foot on the gas pedal, another rocket fires down on the car, but he leaps from the passenger door at the second car; she drives a car thru the smoke of the blast)
Mesera: Hang in there, McBain; I’m on your six.
Terrorist: Fuck you!
McBain: Right fuck, wrong you.
(McBain breaks his arm and shoots one other, then makes him shoot himself, thrown into the road she runs him over)
McBain: Caution, bump-a-head.
(She shoots the rocket person, wounding him; McBain takes the rocket launcher and runs for the third car)
McBain: Hit the third car with your car!
(He leaps and fires a rocket back at the middle car; without the momentum to get to the third he lands on the hood of her car; she holds a pistol out the window; he uses it to shoot six terrorists in the head with six shots; their car rolls off the road, when they stop he climbs off the hood of her truck; police arrive and begin to applaud)
Cop: That was great, you’re a hero!
Cop2: We owe you, man!
Mesera: Yeah, that was pretty good, McBain.
McBain: Good you hit that car with a good hit. Besides, it was time someone teach them that street warfare is like sex, if you’re not careful innocent neighbors will get hurt.
Mesera: What are you going to tell Mayor Le Bach?
McBain: Then I will tell him I’m going to a place to make babies like planned-parenthood in reverse.
(*McBain takes her in his arms, their breath and heartbeats; he carries her to the nearest ambulance)