You might list a dozen more steps before you finish the laundry and move on to the second chore on your original list. If you had to consider every small, low-level detail of every task in your day, you would probably never make it out of bed in the morning. Using a higher-level, more abstract list makes your day manageable. Abstraction makes complex tasks look simple.
Now that I have your attention I want to write-on-record. Let's look at this like a problem, just in case there are a few suicidal punk bitches still out there. Unfortunately, I only know what I know, and that often doesn't grasp with reality and certainly is at war with populism, I'll explain soon enough if that was a cliffhanger thought.
When I looked at the numbers of suicides in the military, I was stupefied, questioning my faith, if this is you, I don't mean to be condescending, frankly these are the people supposed to defend us, and for some reason they cannot save themselves, for matters of legality regarding libel, we can say their resolve has dissolved. The numbers of the dissolved are at record highs, for this I, a (lifelong) fiction hobbyist, considered that account of them had merely slipped into the field of espionage and taken new soluble identities, but for the numbers this couldn't be completely true. In my interests, anything possible, I even minimized it, considered 'it is only them and not me' and likely am in the hereafter. Theoretically, I could blame anything plausible and almost anything assumable, that state of nature to the nature of the state, it's a long list.
I like fiction, but we need an actual event to make the leap of faith, then we can continue. It is important to realize, there are people in our time that strap explosives to themselves and then explode, we call those people inbreds. They are following an unspoken code of honor held amongst old thieves and newborns, if you can't handle it yourself, don't ask for favors to get it done. What these people don't realize is soldiery and police are a piece of any family and the ones we have are just that, merely for a bigger family. Corruption is a poisonous specter, an enemy of mortality, like any other a view in depth at this is my point.
I've said before that enrollment practices could be improved if recruiters would play movies about demolition engineering and talk about the shooting range, they make a lot of promises and the shared understanding of threat goes largely unspoken. If killing isn't your business, then economics is your game, because it's a supply and demand game. There are people who commit military abandonment, I'd like you didn't do that, but being in a distinguished military you came from a successful country and you'll make some good babies and teach some good lessons, in some remote impoverished corner of the world. In my own ordinary way I briefly denied it was true, I imagined that it was a way for anarchists and speechifiers to discredit the service altogether, but then I realized they can stop enlistment.
That only leaves one scenario that fiction embraces well but to be curt isn't easy and is written using universe. There has been a death in combat, enemy or ally, that has happened, and what we call grief floods our vision. That, coupled with all the formative concerns a fighter thinks, becomes a problem and instead of letting it go, they feel that the person is dead, that time should erase the dead. To remove them from ever existing, in regards to never becoming an enemy, to never adding a kill to a list, to never putting a human weapon so far from the west. It begins to pile, and when it shits is rains.
Often is the case that when the spies and spooks snap and commit treason, their minds are filled with thoughts of what they want, basically that they keep hoping for fantasies until they betray the groundwork. So I offer you this advice: don't imagine those who you have left or lost or laid to rest have something better, for they have gone from this place, imagine them in heaven (or hell) as if they had not made the bad choices that took them. All bad places are roaming prisons, and any place can get bad real fast. The trauma afterward supposedly can be terrible, and some can't make it on the outside either, your dreams should be what you miss the most, this is true for everyone. Imagine something that has no choice, when we dream it is no different, a beautiful lady can't resist you because you're broke, or a steamy dude dream, it's a different age.
In any case, don't imagine what you think someone else needs to make it through the night, or you might miss them and what prop item you gave them in your nightmare; think of what you want for yourself after this and think on it; I always think about the one food that I miss the most, that I'm going to eat when I get home.